Time for a confession. I admit it. I’ve handed my 6-year-old an iPad to avoid a public meltdown. Usually it’s in a store, at a restaurant, or somewhere else where everyone’s patience—including mine—is wearing thin. Is it my proudest parenting moment? Definitely not. But sometimes it feels like the difference between getting through an errand and abandoning a cart full of groceries. If you’ve done the same, you know you’re not alone. You’ve met eyes with parents out in the wild doing the same. And you all are probably wondering quietly, am I ruining my child’s coping skills with this temporary solution?

But some food for thought: a recent study published in the Journal of Communication found that using screens to soothe young children doesn’t affect every child the same way. The research asserts that parents’ own mental health may play a much bigger role than experts previously realized. 

There’s a term for this. Researchers call it media emotion regulation, defined as using technology to help children manage big emotions. To understand how that habit affects development, researchers analyzed data from Project M.E.D.I.A., an ongoing study following children from about ages 2 to 7. They wanted to know whether using screens to calm children influenced important thinking skills, or whether children with different cognitive abilities simply caused parents to reach for screens more often.

The answer? Both!

For most families, the relationship worked like a feedback loop. Children who were harder (or easier) to soothe influenced how often parents used screens, and those screen habits, in turn, appeared to shape the development of key cognitive skills over time. Those developing skills then influenced future screen use, creating an ongoing cycle. 

The study focused on two aspects of executive function:

These skills are essential for learning, emotional regulation, and healthy social relationships, making early childhood an especially important time for their development.

Most children followed the expected pattern, but two smaller groups stood out.

One group represented about 6% of children and showed patterns researchers just couldn’t yet explain.

Another group—roughly 7% of children—revealed while screen use appeared to influence cognitive development, the children’s own abilities didn’t predict whether parents reached for screens. Parents in these families were more likely to report symptoms of depression.

Lead author Jane Shawcroft, Ph.D., an assistant professor of communication at The Ohio State University, says technology can become one of the few coping tools available when parents are struggling themselves.

One important takeaway from this report is that instead of asking whether parents are making the “right” choice every time they hand over a screen, the researchers wonder if parents have enough support.

The study suggests families would benefit from more resources, including outdoor spaces for children, mindfulness tools, practical help from friends and family, and greater access to mental health care for parents. In other words,  screen habits are not a major factor in wellbeing if healthier support systems were more robust. 

So are screens harmless? Should parents rely on them for every tantrum? The study doesn’t tell us yes or no, but if screens become the only way children learn to calm down, they may miss opportunities to practice emotional regulation. That, we know. But occasionally pulling out a favorite show to survive a long doctor’s appointment or a grocery store meltdown? Do what you gotta do. Just don’t forget to also help your kids build other calming strategies. Think: taking deep breaths together, naming emotions, reading books, going outside, listening to music, or simply slowing down and reconnecting.